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I was wondering if you could give me some advice ... I have a 16 year old that has been caught smoking weed and now caught stealing money from me ( I know it's for weed) I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place ... Let me tell you what I have done and been consistent with ... I've taken everything always from him tv , game, phone, ect I have hit him ... I have talked to him ... I have even simulated what jail would be like if he cont stealing example I took his door off bed out the room tv dresser just left the hard floor a pillow n blanket ... This has not changed his behavior I have taken him to counseling I have rewarded him for good behavior as well .. Can you point me in the right direction ... Or suggest something that I might have missed .. My child is a good kid ( I know every parent says this) but he is respectful does his hw is home after school on time and does his chores around the house he has mentioned that he wants to stop (not sure if its to pacify me) but I can see hurt in his eyes when he realizes how he has hurt me!!! I'm afraid if I let this ride it could turn into something worst !!! Please help any resource avil ... a phone number of someone ... Something is better than where I stand !!!
Mother at a loss
Mother at a loss,
I commend you for being consistent with discipline and following through with everything it's not easy even with counseling. It seems that you have exhausted all possibilities with your son who regardless continues to engage in this negative behavior, all except one.
From what you have wrote, one of the issues you may be facing with your son is being a single mom, trying to raise a young man. I am in no way saying your not doing a great job because you are, however at this point in his life he needs a male figure that he can relate to.
He may feel at this point you don't understand him because you're his "mom" and he needs the type of guidance only a male figure can provide. This may be something your son is struggling internally with becoming a young man, and could be one reason why you see him hurting.
If your son feels he is not able to communicate with you in a way you will understand him, he can become frustrated. That frustration can turn in to anger or pain causing him to react in a way that is negative and directing it in the wrong places.
Does your son play sports? If not try getting him involved in a sports program that will place him around male mentors and role models that can provide him with structure while teaching him respect for himself as well as others. Plus, being a part of a team can bring him a better sense of responsibility for himself as a young man.
You can also try getting him involved in a program through Pathways To Peace that help young men ages 12-21. The Pathways to Peace Office is located at 200 West Avenue, Rochester, New York 14611. Contact number is 585-428-6339.