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Funerals are a time of regarding someone's life on this earth. It's a shame that some funerals have become a mockery. Usually the major issues that arise are due to lack of finances and coping methods.
Here are a few things to consider:
Begin conversations about the plans and costs associated with a proper funeral/ burial while you're yet alive and well. Appoint key persons ahead of time that will be in charge of arrangements should you pass away. It alleviates a lot of dissension between relatives that ensues when making decisions, payments and acknowledgment of relatives. Think strongly about writing a solid draft of your obituary while alive. If that's too taboo for you, at least keep a record of the names of grandparents, parents, and children.
In being there for a relative or friend, be unobtrusive. Even if you are a relative, balance on the tight rope of emotions carefully. Everyone may be mourning, but consider where you are literally in relation to the deceased. For example, if the deceased is your cousin's mother, then be there for your cousin. It's okay to show emotion and cry with him/her. But, if you become too upset, retreat to a quiet place and calm yourself. Return when you're stable and ready to lend a shoulder.
When you are notified about a death that is the time to drop in on folks (bearing some sort of gift; of course, whatever you can afford it). Things like flowers, cards, and casseroles or other foods are necessary at this time. Most of the time, calls are used as a secondary measure for folks who cannot physically be there.
Find a way to cope with the loss. Counseling services are not just for small children who lose a parent, they are for everyone. Seek counseling for yourself right away. Make a personal decision to refrain from alcoholic beverages during this time. Your emotions and judgment are heightened enough already. You want to be sober-minded.
At the funeral and/or wake, be respectful to the immediate family. If you're not immediate family, sit several rows back so that the family may enter in and occupy the front rows of seating.
Pallbearers are usually hand-picked, so consider it an honor if you're chosen. Before committing, confirm your schedule so that you can be on time, stay through the entire time (accompany the family to the grave site and attend the reception). Remember, be courteous to everyone around you, be strong and encouraged!
As I always say, "Anyone can be a guest; but it takes thought to be an honorable guest." Make yourself useful. Take along mints, bottled water, tissues, etc.; escort small children out of the sanctuary, if necessary, help change babies, fan older relatives... there is much to do during this time.
