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It came to my attention to today that a fellow radio show host, Bob Lonsberry, had this to say on his show about a recent young mothers' honor ceremony he read about in the paper:
"There's a story about, um, girls who got pregnant in high school and they stayed in high school and let's give them a special award and tell them how proud we are of them. Um, or we could just tell them they should have left their fricken' pants on, right? Keep your legs together, sweetcheeks, everything will be OK. Ok, here's the deal. You'll have a school where there will be 50 girls who graduate with honors and there will be 5 girls who get pregnant. Who do we have the special program for? Who do we give the certificate to? Who do we put stories about in the paper telling how proud we are?
Little sister 'take your pants off and spread your legs,' that's who gets the certificate. You have people who do what's right, who work hard, and achieve and excel and set a good example and they don't make the paper, they don't make anything. There's no special program for you.
'Oh I'm so proud... look how proud I am of you, you're so brave!' No, she's easy, OK. Then again, you know, I was born when my mother was 18, and in love, so I'm not... but, why hold someone's failure up and pretend "Oh, I'm so proud of you, you did such a good job. Look, you didn't quit!" Well, no, you did what was expected of you. Oh, and by the way, you also did something really dumb which screwed up your life and probably screwed up the life of the child you bore. And, oh, by the way, I'd like to point out that the whole thing is being paid for by welfare, by the taxpayer.
So I'm not sure why you get a stinking certificate. Could I please turn over here and honor someone who truly achieved, somebody... Let's take that girl in the troubled neighborhood who did not get pregnant, right, and let them, uh, get the honor...."
First of all, education achieved by anyone at any time is cause to celebrate, and perhaps if Lonsberry had more of it, he would understand that. I have worked with the Young Mothers Program and I have been nothing short of thoroughly impressed.
The first time I went there for a career day, a young woman in the front row patiently waited for me to finish my presentation before asking me point blank what I thought of the Young Mothers Program. I told her I supported it and was happy it was there. She politely cut me off saying that she was happy to hear that and then proceeded to tell me about "everything else" she hears -- about people wanting it closed down, saying it was a black eye for Rochester. As she spoke, she began to cry... not tears of sadness, but of anger and hurt.
It is easy to say that these young women should have "left their frickin' pants on" and it is easy to call them "easy." But even from that high vantage point on that high horse in the high hills of Mt. Morris, Lonsberry can't see beyond his narrow vision. These children are still children and they were thinking childishly when they made adult decisions. That is a dangerous combination, but not one punishable by ridding them of all hope. I am not asking for him to sympathize, but rather think in an all encompassing way.
Lonsberry basically calls them sluts, whores, etc. which immediately lends credit to my belief that he is innately chauvinistic. He doesn't see the whole picture. What he sees is just some young, over-sexed teenage girl wanting to get some; some one who is growing up well beyond her years of her own accord, through her own choices. He generalizes to the point of showing his own simple-minded ignorance. These girls are just that: girls. Children. Do you know how many of these girls are pregnant as a result of rapes? If he asked, I am quite sure the answer would shock him right off that horse. Do you know how many of these girls got pregnant by older men who told them they loved them -- often times the first time they even heard those words from anyone, let alone a man.
The latter is not to make excuses, but to give context to a societal ill he should already know about since he talks about things relating to it so freely. Like Lonsberry, I fully believe in the sanctity of marriage, in bringing a child into a loving, committed relationship and strong family. Having a child without that is far from ideal, especially at such a young age, but there are constructs within our society that started these wheels in motion long before he or I were on this earth -- and he is much older than I, so he should know that. That cycle can be broken of course, but first, let's acknowledge that it is there... it is here.
Lonsberry passes judgment so quickly, concretely -- critiquing the moral fiber of others. These girls admit they made a mistake in getting pregnant but then accept that mistake for what it is and try to make better of their lives. If he ever spoke to these young women, he would see that many of them take at least five buses just to get to and from home, daycare, school and then back again. He would see that when they walk to those bus stops, they are on the receiving end of stares from judgmental men like him, but they walk to those stops anyway to go to school. To learn. They could drop out. They wouldn't have to pass "him" everyday. But they don't. Even on those dark days, they see a brighter future -- one Lonsberry tells them they won't have.
Lonsberry made a point of saying that these young women don't deserve to be honored for something they "should already" be doing and implied that they were taking away from the young women who didn't get pregnant and achieve academic success. Since when did honoring one group stop people from honoring another? It doesn't make sense. It is a different sort of success, but a success all the same. No one is saying there needs to be a parade, but a simple acknowledgment is not within the realm of too much fanfare.
His comments -- especially here in Monroe County where the teen pregnancy rate is the highest in the nation -- do the entire community a disservice. He basically says "Hey, it doesn't matter what you do after you get pregnant and have a kid. It doesn't matter if you graduate high school or not, because you failed. You messed up and you messed up your child's life." In saying that, he damns an entire group of smart, young minds to failure and Rochester cannot afford that. He knocks them down.
No one is saying becoming a teen mother is something to aspire to. What they are saying, what I am saying, is that if you do become a teen mother, there IS still SOMETHING for which to aspire. Lonsberry takes that away from them. The one small pat on the back -- the one award, the one "Hey... look at you. You are making the right choices now. Kudos" -- he takes that away. That small gesture of kindness that has the ability to transform their lives, and you -- Bob Lonsberry -- take that away.
Men like you don't speak about these things because they want to see society change, because they sincerely believe dialog will serve as a catalyst for a greater good. Men like you like to speak because it is nice to be heard, especially when it is self-rewarding to point out others' flaws -- a tiny, self-indulgent treat... like a hot fudge sundae or tempting piece of cake.
But when you are chewing on that dessert, please take a moment to think: What kind of man kicks a girl, a child, when she is down? What kind of morality is that? If you really answer those questions within yourself, I bet it becomes just a little bit tougher to swallow.
